Unexpected Guitars

     Sometimes you find out things in life that you just were not expecting. A new discovery awaited me Friday night when Wubs came home from work. I had just done the grocery shopping because I’m trying to get my Saturdays back. Forcing myself to do the weekly errands on Friday night allows me a free day Saturday to do whatever I want. I rarely come home from grocery shopping in a good mood. Amplify that with rush hour traffic. I unpacked the car and walked inside to a sink full of dishes. I cleaned up the dishes and in the process discovered that everyone had left the recycling over-flowing for me to deal with. So I took care of that and went to throw something away only to find the trash was overflowing. I took the trash out then went to feed the kitties and clean out their pans. When I got upstairs I discovered one of our boarders had dumped the ant poisoning out of its container all over the bathroom counter. I guess they felt that would kill ants faster. Not only that their under-wear was hanging on the door knob. I threw them on the counter with the ants so Wubs didn’t have to see it when he got home. At that point I was just irritated and frustrated. Of course at the pinnacle of my frustration, Wubs walked in the door.

     We exchanged our normal, “How was your day” banter and then he brought up the email I sent him earlier. Every Friday I send him a summary of our weekly finances. In this one I was able to mention that we would almost be able to pay off our credit card. He began talking about how he had wanted to get a left handed guitar for a long time. He was in the middle of pouring out his heart about this desire to learn when I glared at him. Remember I am still on my emotionally frustrated high. He asked, “What?” I immediately started to describe that we needed to pay off two more things and then get a new car and yada yada yada…

Wubs:     “Why you gotta pee in my cheerios?”

Me: “I’m frustrated and mad and maybe this isn’t the time to talk about this. We’re so close to paying it off.”

Wubs:  “Okay just steam roll all of my dreams and crush them into little tiny bits.” Said with a knowing laugh that he understood I was in one of my moods.

Me: “Sorry honey. I didn’t mean to pee in your cheerios. I’m just majorly frustrated at the moment and need to wind down.” Then I laughed because he was making me laugh about my unnatural angry-ness. This is another reason I love him.

    The rest of the conversation was me describing my frustration and him talking about how he would confront out borders. He was smoothing my feathers but I could tell that I had stumbled across something deep in him. The next day when he returned from an all day safety training course for work, learning again about the dangers of ammonia, I had to share something with him because I felt in my heart that what I did the night previous was wrong. I was in a bad place when I cut him off. I was listening to pod casts again at work Friday and started to recall what I had learned. I had been listening to a series about God in the work place and the question was asked, “If money, emotional issues, psychological issues, if anything that held you back from your dreams was eliminated what would you be doing? What small step can you take today that would bring you closer to that dream?” I realized that Andrew had a dream to learn guitar and that he was describing it to me when I cut him off. I apologized for that and then asked him when he wanted to go to guitar center. He said we should probably wait. We ended up going to Wal-Mart instead because that was the only place I could think of that would sell floor mats for my car. When we were there we walked by the gardening center and I mentioned that I had always wanted a garden. I stated that I want to start with a few herbs. Then we just got happy and started buying bulbs and perennials and all sorts of fun flowers. I haven’t planted the bulbs yet but I got the flowers in the ground and my herbs potted. Cilantro, Parsley and chives…woo hoo…we’re starting small but one day I’m gonna have a garden!! 

     Sunday Andrew decided that he did want to go to guitar center so we went. He picked out a left handed guitar. It was an electric acoustic Taylor. Then I started talking about how I wanted to learn but the action on my guitar I tried to learn on previously was too hard. The strings were too far away from the neck and it hurt my hands to play it. We picked out a softer action Yamaha guitar for me.

     We got them home and Andrew pulled them out of their boxes while I went outside and planted my seeds and plants. When I got back inside we tuned them together. We are both so excited. Now all we have to do is practice practice practice and build up some calluses!! I realized that was a dream of mine too and was even prophesied over about two years ago that I would begin to learn new instruments. To have a Wubs by me who wants to learn with me makes the journey that much more fun.

     Then we had to pack everything up and go to a funeral. We met Wubs’s parents at plaid pantry and drove over to Vancouver to go to Mr. Andrew’s funeral. He was a teacher in the school Wubs grew up in. He had a sudden stroke and brain bleed earlier in the week and went on to be with the Lord in the space of eight minutes. I realized when Wubs was describing who he was that this man’s son attended the church I grew up back in New York. I was pretty sure old faces from my past would be there and it really made me not want to go but I realized I needed to go and be seen with my husband. I didn’t want him to have to answer the,  “Where’s your wife” questions. As we were walking in I saw my high school youth pastor. His wife came over and gave me a hug then he did. I guess it was worth going for that. We had to leave and get back home so I didn’t really get to talk with them. Both Wubs and I realized tonight that we had been carrying unwanted baggage without realizing it. Wubs was telling me that the last thing this man said to him was, “You’ll never amount to anything.” It made my heart sad because He amounts to a whole lot to me. We were describing that to his parents on the ride over when they ask Wubs, “Don’t you remember being at the office with Mr. Andrew and him asking for forgiveness for ever saying that?” Wubs hadn’t remembered that but both his parents remembered it clearly. When his parents hopped back in their car he started opening up about how he felt he had carried a root of bitterness without even realizing it. I asked if he still felt that way after tonight and he said, “No. It was like those feelings were just washed away.” My old youth pastor had said to me, “So you’re out here now?” For all the times I’ve thought about that church and had to process my feelings toward it was funny to find out how little they thought of me. It reminded me of a sermon I heard once that said, “We would stop caring so much what people think about us if we realized how little they did.” It gave me a sense of peace to know that despite seeing me that night they hadn’t thought of me much since I left New York fourteen years ago. I actually saw a lot of old friends that I hadn’t seen a while and left feeling happy and loved and part of the wonderful fellowship of believers. God is good and faithful through everything.