It will be worth it

    

         We are all fingers crossed and abounding hope here that tomorrow will be a snow day. My company let us go home at 1:00 today and I’m glad they did because it’s looking sketchy-er and sketchy-er out there. I hate it when we reach freezing temps here. The roads become slip and slides. My Oldsmobile does not double for a snowmobile nicely. It’s frankly a little rude about it. Mrs. Olds gets fishy in the hinder-parts. Scary stuff let me tell you…My usual 20 min drive home took me about 55 white knuckle minutes today but I made it. Then I braved the storm again because we were out of celery and carrots. I’m seriously craving some down home warm-y goodness. It’s almost done. Mmmmm…

 

     There has been the threat of a snow storm out here for a couple of days. Yesterday I had this text war with wubs.

Wubs: Oh look, snow! Listen to my little song…J

Me: Hugh??

Wubs: Try now

Me: LOL…I love u!!

Me: Still laughing…who’s Willy?

*Imagine a picture of Willy the co-worker here who looks a lot like Si Robertson from Duck Dynasty beard and all.

Wubs: Willy…L

Me: Does Willy need to be freed?? LOLOLOLOL J

Wubs: No, I do!

 

 

And now we have this and it’s supposed to be just beginning.

 

 

 

I’ll believe it when I see it…but would absolutely LOVE a day off tomorrow.

Here’s my bowl of down home warm-y goodness:

 

 

I had the bones of a Costco Rotisserie Chicken in my fridge for such a moment as this…chicken and rice home-made soup…it was worth the trip for carrots and celery…yum!!

 

     I have listened to the podcast I posted in my last post three more times since I posted it…Today, something really struck me when his wife was speaking.

     “Even when I would look in the mirror, all I would see is this person that was full of shame. I would look in the mirror and I wouldn’t see anything other than this girl, this woman that was shameful. I would look and see everything and I would hear all the voices telling me what I was. I realized the shame covered up the reasons why I had it and then it became really hard to figure out why I had it. And so you just start on this journey, and everybody’s journey’s really different so your journey wouldn’t be the same as my journey but you have to get on that journey you have to realize and find out why you have shame and that usually involves addressing the pain which is never a fun thing but you know what? You gotta go through it…”

     I think it struck me today because last night I had a bit of a melt down when something came across my face-book page that brought me right back to a time and place that I felt more like a less-than than ever before in my life. I just started crying with big alligator tears because I knew that God was wanting to put His finger on these areas but it was soooo extremely painful…I seriously don’t want to go there at all ever, but I know that if I don’t I will never be fully who He is calling me to be.

     Wubs stood over me asking what I was thinking that was making me cry…he gave me space and time but I know him and I knew he wouldn’t stop pressing until he knew what was going on with me. He’s kind of brutally persistent like that. I’m glad he is. It got me past the pain, and forced me to verbalize what I was experiencing. Then he just held my hand until we both fell asleep. We went to bed early but I get warn out when God is working so deeply in me…this will definitely be a journey. But I am so ready to be free from shame.

I’ve had this song on repeat, repeat, repeat…My hope is securely found in only one place…

 

If you struggle with less than feelings, with any kind of shame, let Him into those areas. It will be painful but I have hope it will be worth it.