Sell The House?

     My mind has been so occupied of late. It’s been cloudy and full of fluff and stuff. Massively occupied with all the puffy grey and white clouds of life. They roll in and try to block blue heavens. My soul beats its wings to stay above them but I get lost in the marshmallow mist.

     I think about packing up the house, what to keep, what to sell, what to donate, what to do with the cats if we end up staying in an apartment before we find the right house for us, should we just scratch the whole idea and stay here….what if I’m pregnant? Will we ever be able to afford a vacation?

     I’ve been marathon-ing Dowton Abbey and wondering what it was like to be called M’lady and have your sole purpose be marrying and making babies; To only worry about those two things and nothing else. I’m a big believer that women do belong in the home. I feel like society and fema-nazi’s have fought so hard to make woman equal to men that woman’s nature and identity have gotten a little lost and confused in the process. Instead of becoming equal in authority to men we have tried to be men in order to gain the authority they haven’t given us. Most women have it in them to nurture, to comfort and to train up. I know I do and all I have known since I left home is the career path. It has left me feeling empty of late. Not that I don’t appreciate my job and the joy of doing something I love and believe in. I totally do and I know I’m incredibly lucky in that area. I just know I was created for more. That growing up children isn’t to be looked down upon and that it is so so desperately needed in our culture. When I hear statistics about how many children grow up with only one parent, or come from broken homes my heart gets sad and I wish better for this planet. I wish for me and mine that it wasn’t such a struggle financially to start a family with only one income. Wubs and I have been talking about downsizing and that led to the conversation about the house.  I have been in the process of loosening my death grip on it. It is painful and scary to me to give up something that has brought me so much joy but I feel like that is what needs to happen. The uncertainty scares me.

     We met with a realtor yesterday and it was made clear to us that if we go down this path it will be a leap of faith. We can’t get into a new home until this one is sold. She reassured us that something we would like would eventually come on the market but what I have seen of late in our price range has not impressed me. I want it to be comparable to this house but it seems if you want any property you have to sacrifice the house...Can you see how my brain gets so cloudy? Truth be told I’m hoping if we do go this way we can pay down some things and get out from underneath them somehow as well as take a much needed vacation. Wubs has been running on all cylinders since I married him five years ago. It would be nice to give him a break. We would love love love to go to Disneyland for a week and then a cruise. I do like to dream a little dream don’t I?