Wub Wars

     Wubs and I have big whopping arguments every once in a while…The rest of the time we are totally in love. Then boom. Marital life feels like ground zero and we discover yet again how much we have to learn. About each-other. About life. About what is happening in the atmosphere around us. I realize I may lose some of you with the last statement. Some believe there is no such thing as angels and demons and strongholds and principalities or if you do believe in them you don’t think they really influence your life much or at all. The longer I walk with the Lord the more I become convinced that my reality co-exists with another. It may be unseen by the naked eye but it’s still extremely present. There are forces that don’t fight fare (1 Peter 5:8). In fact they fight pretty dirty and take advantage of our weakest weaknesses. But there are others that are given charge over us to protect and defend (Psalm 91:11). Yes I believe this and if you had seen the things I have seen in my life-time you probably would too.

     Two weeks ago, it felt like all out war in my mind and emotions toward my husband. I fought and fought all week, self-talking myself out of some pretty nasty thoughts about Wubs. Finally I asked him if he had been struggling for no apparent reason with horrible thoughts about me. His eyes got big and we realized what was going on…I told him, “these thoughts are not ours. I don’t believe them about you and I believe that you don’t believe them about me but I feel them reaching out and wanting me to shake their hand. I really do believe that you love me and I hate that I am even having these thoughts.” Both of us were getting pummeled by fiery darts (Eph. 6:16). It felt like we both had personal rain clouds. Merely exposing it made the enemy shut his gaping pie hole and peace reigned once more in both of our inner worlds. The sky felt blue and the face of our spirits were warmed by the Son and we triumphed in a small victory won.

    I do feel that when the enemy gets his butt whooped he likes to retaliate. He sets up unfair circumstances and tries to lead you down a path of wrong thinking. He has absolutely no power but the power we let him have by coming into agreement with what he is telling us. The most famous example being “Did God really say…?” (Gen. 3:1). It started for Wubs just as he was getting off work Friday. He was excited that they let the crew go a little early. As he was packing up another fellow decided to bend his ear for forty-five minutes and spill all his nasty stories about his soon to be ex-wife and how terrible she is. Wubs came home irritated that all the extra time he was given was wasted on a pointless conversation. He told this man, “wow, my wife isn’t anything like that and doesn’t do any of that.” I was like “aww”, and then proceeded to have a mushy conversation with him about how much I loved him…’cause it’s true…I do. We planned a date night of dinner and a movie. A conversation topic came up at dinner that really hurt Wub’s feelings…and his hurt hurt me…and both of us trying to express our hurt to each-other made me looking more and more like the whiney co-workers soon to be ex. I was left feeling totally misunderstood and angry. I told Wubs to take me home and that I didn’t want to go to a movie. When he got me home he tore off in his truck REALLY angry. I did the same in my car…I didn’t want to even see him. I pulled into a parking lot and parked…and simmered down…and thought “what just happened?”…After battling more fiery darts…you know…the “Your husband doesn’t even like you”…”You are such a failure as a wife and are never going to please him”…”Remember when that professor told you that you were going to destroy your husband”…”well this is it”…”he’s destroyed and discouraged with life because of you”…”you should go kill yourself”…Ahhhh… STOP!!!

     Then I started praying and turned on worship music. I let the tears fall and tried to remind myself about what God says about me. “I am more than a conqueror”…”surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life”…”those who dwell in the secret place of the Most High will rest under the shadow of the Almighty”…”No weapon formed against me will prosper”…I fell asleep in the car and calmed down. I was still very sad that a happy night got robbed from us and I still didn’t want to see or talk to Wubs. He was in the living room watching TV when I got home. I walked right by him and went upstairs, pulled on pj’s and went to bed (I don’t recommend this but at that point I just couldn’t handle an argument). Wubs came to bed later that night when I was asleep. He woke me up getting ready for work in the morning (he’s going to be working weekends for a while). We always kiss each-other and say good-bye and I was sure he wasn’t going to do it this morning. He walked downstairs without doing so and my heart sank. “I really hurt him and I totally didn’t mean to. Will he forgive me?” In the pitch dark I heard his heavy work-booted footsteps coming back up the stairs…hoped filled my heart…he went into the closet…my heart sank…he came out of the closet…he approached the side of the bed… and kissed the side of my face and said, “I love you”.

     ”I love you!!! Have a good day”…My heart filled with hope again…I HATE fighting with this man…Because I love him so stinkin’ much.

     I could tell by his body posture he was still sad and hurt but he still loved me. By Sunday night we were laughing about it with friends…It just seemed so ridiculous. Like the enemy has nothing better to do than try and get in between us…I believe he targets healthy Christian couples because when an orphaned world sees what genuine love is between a God fearing man and wife…it makes them long to know how to find that sense of belonging. As two war weary wedded folks we know this kind of love; The kind of love that chooses to forgive and find the best in each other; To value your better half enough to change things about you that are obviously hurting them; Only comes from one place; There is only one answer for the devastation of family that is currently destroying our nation.

     “…and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:20)

    If He wasn’t with us. If we made no place for Him…I wouldn’t want to think where Wubs and I would be today. Thank You Lord for Your protection and wisdom, mercy and guidance.